It’s natural to move away from friendships; you may have outgrown them, you may not have the same interests anymore, or simply you’ve grown apart. You may have let the time get in between each other. It’s natural if both sides move on. But it’s tragic when one side wants to but can’t, and the other side just won’t.

Over the last couple of years, I’ve experienced them all. I’ve outgrown some friendships and happily moved away from them. Some people had kids, or they moved away, or they changed, or I changed. I’ve realised some people were just toxic, and I didn’t want them in my life anymore. With the pandemic and later, our situation not letting us hold pre-pandemic-like relationships anymore, my friendship circle has slimmed down. Some for the better, but mostly for the worse.

Not all friendships endure the hardships, though. Some people tend to just forget the other part exists, even if they know the trouble they are in. They simply turn a blind eye, and get you off their radar. This part, I can’t wrap my head around. It also makes me question how viable that friendship was in the first place.

These last 4 years have been very much educational for me. I feel like I’m being remade, against my will, under pressure. And I can’t find enough people around me to rely on.

It’s a lonely experience.