One thing that pulls me into a zen-like state of frustration is indecisiveness. I hate it when people drift into the aimless discussion of "what should we do now?" instead of acting. Most of the time, it's clear what you can or can't do.

Picture this: You get off work on a Thursday evening with colleagues and want to get a pint or two, but people loiter in front of the office, asking each other, "Where should we go for that drink?". I mean, there are only three pubs around us, just choose one. Or put them on a rotation or make a calendar. How hard can it be to choose a pub?

Or, in the office, someone finds a bug in the application you've been developing. They ask you, "What should we do?". You see two options and give your opinion on what's best. They then say, "Let's take this to the team". That sounds good; they may have a better idea.

You take it to the whole team, and instead of voicing their opinions, everyone would just look around and say, "What should we do?". Or they simply stay quiet. Instead of scratching your own eyes in frustration, you give your opinion. Again. It's probably the best opinion on the table, but also the only one.

Then this happens again. Then again. Then again.

A vibe of "Groundhog Day" settles in.

Well, It's Groundhog Day, Again. - About Things | A Hans Scharler Blog

Then, one day, you ask, with a colour of frustration in your voice, "How bloody hard can it be to say 'let's do it this way'? Why do we need to suffer this cumulative indecisiveness every goddamn time?"

Congratulations. Not only you've opened Pandora's bloody Box, but you also managed to get yourself branded "rude". How very un-British of you.

You see, it's not because you've asked the wrong question but because of how you've said it. You've let your emotions bleed into your sentences and made your frustration palpable. That's a no-no.

When someone spends days or months on something and can't get it done, that's okay.

When someone clearly is not pulling their weight in the team and letting others pull it, that's okay.

When someone can't give you straight answers, even though it's their whole role, that's okay.

When someone blurs every line between roles and breaks the team's confidence by making them doubt every decision they've made, that's okay.

But if you get frustrated and ask, "Why is this wrong?" you're in trouble, my friend.